I don’t know about you but I don’t fancy the whole 3D television idea. Besides being three dimensionally expensive, I can think of nothing more distracting than Dot Cotton flying towards me when I’m having my tea.

Working in the electrical store I receive magazines featuring the latest TV’s. It’s like retail’s version of Hello, but instead of Kerry Katona slimming down, it’s the brand new LED TV from Samsung in a before and after shot. I’m waiting for a double page special with a Russell Hobbs microwave, ‘papped’ outside a nightclub, it’s door wide open and its plug dangling about.

I just don’t like the speed stuff is developing. We need to perfect the technology of today before we spawn the anorexic furniture of tomorrow. For example, anybody who has Sky, Freeview or Virgin, will have experienced the 20-channel-flick-delay. What I’m referring to is when you press the appropriate button on your remote in order to change down from, I don’t know, MTV Hits, to just regular MTV. You press the button. Nothing happens. Hmmm? You press it again. Nothing. Again? Nothing. You give up and suffer the commerical break. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, the TV flicks through at least twenty channels. Before you realise, you’re watching Gay Adult Previews and your mum has walked in.

…and before we achieve flying cars, can someone please invent a smoke alarm that doesn’t shout at me for burning toast?

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