Balotelli Botches Spin Goal

Our favourite Muppet of the 2010/2011 season is back for another year of mischief already.  Mario Balotelli performs some sort of half-pirouette and back-heels the ball out of play, instead of finding the LA Galaxy net with a simple tap in, during last night’s game in the States…

Oh how we’ve been struggling for Muppet content since the end of the football season.  Now it’s back and with it comes misguided Mario and his expertise in idiocy.

The Italian was named Muppet of the Week three times last season, which is a record on The Sport Report.  First he had trouble with a grass allergy, then he couldn’t quite slip into a warm-up bib before ending the season with at least £10,000 in parking fines – he’s a satirical sports news website’s dream!

It was suggested we have a separate page on the site completely dedicated to Balotelli, as Muppet of the Week doesn’t have the capacity to catalogue all of his ‘episodes’.  Sadly, we can’t allow this feature to happen because next thing we know, everybody will want a dedicated page – Tiger’s Secrets of the Woods, Wayne Rooney’s Elocution Lessons, At Home with The Giggs’ – you get the idea.

Mario Balotelli will grace the premier league with his unique talent this season and he will equally grace the internet with his ever-promising-to-go-viral behaviour.

Last night’s shameful showboating (see video here) is just the beginning and we can expect to see the striker cause so much stress for Roberto Mancini, that the manager will have no choice but to up the dosage on his Just For Men.  To be fair to Mancini, he dragged Balotelli off immediately after his lazy trick shot last night.

Balo reacted rather well I thought (by his own standards), he sulked for a while and finally through his bocky-bock to the floor – Mancini’s new assistant coach, Jo Frost a.k.a. ‘Super Nanny’, is obviously paying dividends.

Place your hypothetical bets in the forum below on how many times you think Balotelli will claim The Muppet of the Week award this upcoming season…

One to Watch: LA Galaxy v Real Madrid

It’s like you’ve selected the ‘Randomise Team’ option on FIFA 11, except it’s really happening! Real Madrid take on LA Galaxy and a certain David Beckham in a pre-season friendly this weekend…

The two teams had a sparring session last year but Beckham missed out due to an achilles injury.  This time he’s fully fit and eagerly anticipating the match, especially after scoring directly from a corner-kick against Chicago just last weekend.

His former side, Real Madrid, will be looking to sharpen their claws by picking away at the Los Angeles outfit, in preparation for what promises to be another hotly contested La Liga.   With Barcelona at the helm, Madrid need all the preparation they can get to reclaim the Spanish crown.

Some may see the friendly as a bit of a holiday-game but the Beckham factor could create a little bit of competition amongst the players. The former United star has expressed his feelings for the Spanish giants saying:

“I spent four amazing years at Real Madrid. To go from a club like Manchester United to Real Madrid, it really doesn’t get much better than that in football. I’ve got many friends still there, many friends as players and fans and throughout the club as well.”

Beckham has forever been in the public eye and the media hang on to his every word but he appeared very chilled out on the Late Show with Craig Ferguson (see video below) just last month. Still, it annoys me to hear the former England captain refer to football as ‘soccer’ – it makes me feel cheated, like Stacy Giggs, Abbey Clancy, Coleen Rooney and every other WAG who knows perfectly well what they’re getting into (apologies, I got a little carried away there)!

Speaking of WAGs, Posh and Becks have just welcomed their newborn daughter into the world and have come under some harsh criticism for naming her ‘Harper Seven’.  I think it’s a lovely name and a great way to pay tribute to Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman for what was a classic detective picture from the ’90s.

As for the game tomorrow – it is not going to be broadcast live on British television but can probably be found on a number of illegitimate websites which I would know nothing about or condone in any way.

Kick off…

LA Time: 7.00pm Saturday 16th July
UK Time: 2.00am Sunday 17th July


I’m fully aware that this is perhaps the most awkward selection for ‘One to Watch’ ever but there’s really not much else on!

Opinion: Andy Murray’s Stubble Trouble

Andy Murray and his weird beard was the subject of discussion at a press conference last week.  The Scot was fairly glum and unimpressed by a certain journo’s remarks…

…then again, he’s glum and unimpressed most of the time anyway so perhaps he enjoyed the banter – there’s really no way to tell!

Murray was whiskers away from reaching the Wimbledon final recently, losing out to Rafael Nadal in the semis.  He was sporting a kind of John McCririck/Wolverine look during the tournament and attracted some rough criticism as a result.

Former Davis Cup captain David Lloyd, reportedly suggested Murray could benefit from a clean-shaven look.  A daring journo repeated the comment at a press conference (see link below) and Murray’s grizzly reaction made the whole thing feel like a cringey scene from The Office.

You don’t need hawk-eye to tell you Murray needs a shave but leave the lad alone, he obviously couldn’t care less about his face.  Murray is perhaps the most miserable sportsman of our generation but charisma and good grooming habits will not win grand slam tournaments.

If Roger Federer is the Mach 3 of tennis then Murray is undoubtedly the Bic, he may not have the aloe-vera strips and vibrating handle but he gets the job done and we like him for that!

Anyway, the awkwardness he creates in the video on BBC’s website is much better to watch than a smooth set of chops.